Saturday, August 10, 2013

Lasts

I'm in a weird place.  In less than two weeks, I'll be posting a lot of the same things I'm seeing on my friends' Facebook walls-- "Last night at youth group... Last box of clothes... Last time pulling out of this driveway..."  In less than two weeks, I'll be gone.  In less than two weeks, I'll be working on my degree at The College of William and Mary.  And, honestly, that doesn't scare me.  I'm not scared of setting up my dorm, meeting my room mate, or sharing a bathroom.  I'm not scared of late nights studying or putting all of my efforts into breaking the curve.  I'm not scared of making it to class on time, remembering my due dates, or keeping my head together.  I'm not scared of leaving my family - -  most of them have left me already.  I'm more afraid of the things I'm leaving behind. And all of this has gotten me thinking.


Believe it or not, there are things I'm going to miss.  I'm going to miss Glory and Chad and Jeffrey, the three people in my life to whom I've grown the closest..  I'm going to miss my church, which has given me more love, prayer, and support than I've realized over the past few years.  I'm going to miss having a car to jump into and drive to wherever I need to go.  I'm going to miss my friends from school, who, though I haven't seen them much this summer, have been in my thoughts and prayers as I've been preparing for college.  I'm going to miss cabinets full of food.  I'm going to miss milk in the fridge.  I'm going to miss having things handed to me and having people come up behind me to clean up my messes.  But I'm ready to take responsibility.

If I had a dollar for every time my dad told me that I'm going to flunk out of college, I would have a lot of dollars.  Maybe I will; he's right lots of the time.  But maybe God doesn't have failure in his plans for me at William and Mary.  I plan to work hard, study long, and pray without ceasing (because the Lord knows I'll need His help).  Despite what lots of people seem to think, I do recognize the things I need to change to become a big boy who can look out for himself.  I do know that this is a critical point in my life.  I do understand that if I screw this one up, there is no other clean slate to follow; I've marked all of those up, already.  I get it.  And I'm ready to fix my faults and face this new frontier.  But not quite yet.

Before I leave, there are still some things I'd like to do.  A few last things.  I need to sing my last worship song at my church, and it would be great to have another sleepover with the Floods.  I want to stay up late testing bad deck ideas with Jeffrey, then take a deck that actually works to locals the next morning.  I'd like to take another shower in the bathroom I don't have to share, but maybe I won't because two weeks isn't all that long.  I still need to hug my girlfriend one more time and say goodbye to all of the people I'm going to miss.

It's not like I'm going away forever.  I'm just leaving for a few months at a time over the course of four years to start building a life of my own.  And, honestly, I'm excited, so instead of throwing in the towel beforen the referee even blows the whistle to start, I'm going to keep walking down the path to which I feel I've been led, and we'll see where it takes me.

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